I would like to say a few words
\nin response to one of our reader\u2019s letters on the issue of sexual
\nassault, to talk about physical violence against women, about rape,
\nand about the devastating consequences\u2014irreparable damage, both psychological
\nand physical\u2014suffered by the victims of such crimes.<\/p>\n
The victim of an assault needs
\nunderstanding, support, sympathy, and help from friends, family, and
\nloved ones. Unfortunately, in our Roma society, these types of responses
\nare frequently absent. Friends and family are often ashamed to show
\ncompassion towards a woman who has suffered such an ordeal, as they
\nwill be condemned for it by the people around them. And the respect
\nfor social norms is dearer to them than such principles as kindness,
\njustice, and compassion.<\/p>\n
In Roma society, the moral
\ndemands placed on a woman have always been very high. In the past,
\nif a woman were \u201cdefiled,\u201d it was practically impossible for her
\nto survive in Roma society. For example, if a woman were to acquire
\na bad reputation, then no one would be willing to take her as a wife.
\nWere it ascertained that a daughter-in-law, upon entering her husband\u2019s
\nfamily, was no longer a virgin (for whatever reason), the family would
\npublicly disgrace the girl to such an extent that she would be forced
\nto wander apart from the community for several years.<\/p>\n
No one is protected from physical
\nviolence. The Roma have many potential enemies: from dishonest policemen,
\nto skinheads, to people who, simply, led by prejudice, are not overly
\nfond of the Roma. A Roma woman is particularly vulnerable\u2014she may
\nbe harmed by a man from any of the aforementioned groups. And we know
\nof many such cases.<\/p>\n
Moreover, not only must a female
\nvictim of violence suffer this physical and mental trauma inflicted
\nupon her by a stranger, but even at home, in what should be a place
\nof compassion and understanding, scorn and reproach await her. Her
\nfamily turns its back on her, her neighbors mock her, she is barred
\nfrom sitting at the communal table and eating from the communal dishes.<\/p>\n
Many victims of abuse hide
\nwhat has happened to them, but if the incident comes to light and becomes
\nwidely known, society treats them harshly. The victim then is forced
\nto shut herself off, is generally ostracized, and begins to consider
\nherself somehow to blame in this misfortune. Some are unable to bear
\nthis torment and end it by committing suicide.<\/p>\n
I know there may be some who
\nwould say that this is the most sensible solution, and that for some
\npeople there\u2019s no other escape, but I would like to meet the people
\nwho think this way, ask them to reconsider. After all, not a single
\nperson is ever entirely safe from such an ordeal; a similar instance
\nmay befall any one of us.<\/p>\n
It is, indeed, difficult for
\nthe victim of a physical assault to break free of established stereotypes
\nand from the prejudices of society. But let\u2019s try to view the problem
\nfrom a different angle. If a person, even with great difficulty, is
\nable to overcome the shame resulting from such an ordeal, and is consequently
\nable to relate their misfortune to a close friend or family member who
\nempathizes with them and feels compassion for them, then this confidant
\nmight be able to help the victim get back to a normal life. And this
\nis the only right way to treat a victim of abuse.\u00a0 After all, life
\nis a human being\u2019s very most valuable possession.<\/p>\n
Together, let\u2019s try to be
\nmore merciful and a little kinder. And then we will not have to have
\non our conscience the realization that we stood by, indifferent, while
\nsomeone suffered, we did not play any kind of role in helping someone
\nto end his or her life.<\/p>\n
Antonina Sukhovskaya