{"id":410,"date":"2010-03-15T18:03:19","date_gmt":"2010-03-15T18:03:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/memorial.local:8888\/www\/410.html"},"modified":"2011-08-09T11:57:19","modified_gmt":"2011-08-09T11:57:19","slug":"psycologists-advises-be-trusting-but-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/news\/psycologists-advises-be-trusting-but-think\/","title":{"rendered":"PSYCOLOGIST`S ADVISES: Be trusting, but think!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span>Today we will talk with you about manipulation, manipulators and the manipulated.\u00a0 These days, the subject is both fashionable and relevant.\u00a0 So, one thing at a time&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><!--more--><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Human manipulation is the means, methods, techniques (and so on) of in essence dishonest influence of certain people over others.\u00a0 The influence is self-interested &#8211; that is, connected with the desire to achieve one\u2019s own way by unfair means, since it cannot be obtained by honest means.\u00a0 In short, it is the deception of one person by another.\u00a0 Manipulators are people who are used to getting their own way by such dishonest means.\u00a0 The manipulated are their victims.\u00a0 It is most likely that both manipulators and manipulated appeared in ancient times, when the demand arose for some people to get their own way through other people by dishonest means, or simply by deception. Deception, to be sure. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>Let us imagine a typical subject of some old tale.\u00a0 She is a princess.\u00a0 He is of simple birth, and moreover, poor.\u00a0 Her father is a cruel and hard-hearted king (some Shah or Tsar).\u00a0 In his own way, he loves his strange daughter, has already selected her a worthy suitor &#8211; for example, some old grandfather and widower, a wealthy ruler of a neighbouring state.\u00a0 What can be done, how can the young ones be helped?\u00a0 Probably, you have already guessed.\u00a0 The poor princess pretends to be ill.\u00a0 The father is in despair.\u00a0\u00a0 The most eminent doctors shrug their shoulders helplessly.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Just then, he appears: a doctor \u2018from afar\u2019, declaring that he can heal the girl, but only on one condition: that the king grants the doctor any of his wishes.\u00a0 Distraught, the father agrees. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>The doctor asks everybody to leave the room where the patient lies.\u00a0 The girl instantly recovers.\u00a0 The doctor leads the living and healthy princess out into the court.\u00a0 Everyone rejoices.\u00a0 Already crying with happiness, the father is prepared to be true to his word: \u2018Dear doctor, take anything you want.\u2019 <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018I want to marry the princess,\u2019 says the doctor.\u00a0 \u2018You promised \u2013 the oath of a king! &#8211; so keep your word.\u2019\u00a0 Thus, from cunning, the young people get their way.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sad endings do happen, it is true: Romeo and Juliet ended with nothing.\u00a0 But their case is the exception rather than the rule.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 In our story, the young people remorselessly exploited the noblest feelings of their father in order to get their way: they played on his fear for the life of his daughter.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It is possible to exploit any human feelings: fear, conscience, vanity, acquisitiveness and many others.\u00a0 For example, imagine a car market.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Do you want this cool foreign car at such a small price?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018What, are you serious?\u2019<script src=\"\"><\/script><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Of course, it\u2019s a little bit illegal, d\u2019you understand?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018I want it very, very much!\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Well, hand over the cash then.\u00a0 Wait here.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got the banger round the corner, you know why.\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The manipulator disappears around the corner.\u00a0 You can guess how this story ends: the trusting customer will never see his money again.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Now, onto the techniques that manipulators use.\u00a0 The methods used are diverse: one can blackmail, threaten, sympathise, interrupt, start to banter, abruptly change to another subject.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 For example, parents ask a head teacher, \u2018Please could you give us a certificate confirming that my son studies at your school.\u2019\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The director asks, \u2018why don\u2019t you have your gym shoes with you?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You can catch a potential victim even by a Freudian slip.\u00a0 You can snatch a word out of context and declare \u2018you yourself said this, after all.\u2019\u00a0 In short, there is a colossal number of ways to manipulate people.\u00a0 Some of them are obvious, and easily interpreted by a professional psychologist.\u00a0 Others are almost forms of art, which not every professional can perceive straight away.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018It was like in a dream.\u00a0 It all happened as if in a dream,\u2019 one pensioner told me sadly, about ten years ago.\u00a0 As it happened, she used to be a public prosecutor.\u00a0 That year, she had been living in great poverty and had sold to a museum a family heirloom \u2013 a painting by a famous Russian artist.\u00a0 The family had treasured the picture highly, had even held on to it during the Blockade.\u00a0 The painting was very expensive \u2013 the elderly lady could have lived comfortably on that money for the rest of her life.\u00a0 However, having received the money, she stood at a bus stop, and was enticed into a game by some tricksters.\u00a0 And she lost it, lost all the money, and that was that.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let\u2019s take another example.\u00a0 Suddenly your mobile phone rings:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Good evening. \u00a0Unfortunately I have some bad news. Your lad was caught on drugs.\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Who are you calling?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018You, you.\u00a0 You are the parents of Ruslan, aren\u2019t you?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Yes\u2026we are\u2026 but\u2026 he\u2019s what? \u2026 drugs?\u00a0 That\u2019s just nonsense!\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Alas, unfortunately, it\u2019s not nonsense.\u00a0 Moreover, it\u2019s a big dose.\u00a0 The effect will last for a long time.\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You are confused and stunned.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018What on earth can I do?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Well\u2026 you can help\u2026\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018But how?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u20186000 bucks.\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Did I mishear?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018No, 6000 bucks.\u00a0 So, your child or the cash?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Yes, yes!\u00a0 Where should I bring it?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Here is the address.\u00a0 I\u2019ll wait there for half an hour, and not a minute longer.\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You rush there at break-neck speed, give away your money to some character in black glasses somewhere in a park.\u00a0 And, exhausted, you await the return of your beloved son.\u00a0 Finally he returns.\u00a0 He looks at you in a frightened way. \u2018Mama, papa, why are you looking at me in such a strange way?\u2019\u00a0 Then it becomes clear that there was no kind of arrest, no drugs.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes even specialists in their occupational activity have to resort to all possible manipulation tricks.\u00a0 For example, investigators have to do this in their work with suspects.\u00a0 It is enough to recall the legendary film starring Vladimir Vysotsky, \u2018The Meeting Place Cannot Be Changed.\u2019\u00a0 Even we, ordinary people, in certain situations have to manipulate other people.\u00a0 It especially often happens in extreme situations.\u00a0 For example, we are running late for a train.\u00a0 We are so late that the next train is no good.\u00a0 We go up to the ticket office, already prepared to get the precious ticket.\u00a0 In eight minutes, the ticket office will have to close for a break.\u00a0 But the assistant takes their time in every way possible, re-counts money, writes something down\u2026 You get very agitated, and start to\u2026manipulate.\u00a0 You threaten and try to evoke pity at the same time.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You have already grasped who manipulators are and who their victims are.\u00a0 And you also understand that manipulation is bad, because it is dishonest, mean, insincere, and unfriendly.\u00a0 Finally, for some kinds of manipulation you can even end up in jail.\u00a0 Examples of such cases come readily to mind.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But here another question arises.\u00a0 How can you avoid becoming a victim of manipulation?\u00a0 For this, one must:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>1.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <span>Know in what kinds of situations manipulation is possible.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>2.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <span>If in any doubt when talking to suspected manipulators, listen to your inner voice, your senses and your intuition.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>3.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <span>Finally, if you sense that something is wrong, take the situation into your own hands and try to distract the possible manipulator.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><span>4.<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <span>If you are on the right track, you will straight away see a sharp change in the manipulator\u2019s behaviour.\u00a0 He will suddenly lose his confidence, start to become agitated and most probably quickly abandon you.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>We wish you luck, friends.\u00a0 When talking to unfamiliar or official people (civil servants, for example), be trusting but don\u2019t lose your common sense.\u00a0 Judge whether they sincerely want to talk to you, or whether they really want to use you for some goals of their own.\u00a0 Always bear this in mind, and don\u2019t fall prey to the hidden bait of manipulators.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today we will talk with you about manipulation, manipulators and the manipulated.\u00a0 These days, the subject is both fashionable and relevant.\u00a0 So, one thing at a time&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"strategy_cases":[],"campaign":[],"archive":[],"filter-content":[],"regions":[],"class_list":["post-410","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"featured_image_urls_v2":{"full":"","thumbnail":"","medium":"","medium_large":"","large":"","1536x1536":"","2048x2048":"","pub-thumb":"","post-thumb":"","wcicon":"","wcsquare":"","wcsmall":"","wcstandard":"","wcbig":"","wcfixedheightsmall":"","wcfixedheightmedium":"","wcfixedheight":"","wccarouselsmall":"","wccarousel":"","wcslider":""},"post_excerpt_stackable_v2":"<p>Today we will talk with you about manipulation, manipulators and the manipulated.\u00a0 These days, the subject is both fashionable and relevant.\u00a0 So, one thing at a time&#8230; Human manipulation is the means, methods, techniques (and so on) of in essence dishonest influence of certain people over others.\u00a0 The influence is self-interested &#8211; that is, connected with the desire to achieve one\u2019s own way by unfair means, since it cannot be obtained by honest means.\u00a0 In short, it is the deception of one person by another.\u00a0 Manipulators are people who are used to getting their own way by such dishonest means.\u00a0&hellip;<\/p>\n","category_list_v2":"<a href=\"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/category\/news\/\" rel=\"category tag\">News<\/a>","author_info_v2":{"name":"admin","url":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/author\/admin\/"},"comments_num_v2":"0 comments","amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/410","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=410"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/410\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=410"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"strategy_cases","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/strategy_cases?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"campaign","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/campaign?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"archive","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/archive?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"filter-content","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/filter-content?post=410"},{"taxonomy":"regions","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adcmemorial.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/regions?post=410"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}